Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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