Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
