Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i would punch a child for taco bell
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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