The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
