Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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