I'm drive I can fine osifer
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Randomize
