I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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