yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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