Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
