I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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