did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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