You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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