If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize