She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
