No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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