conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
