apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You pole danced in your parka.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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