I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
