You really coming over, don't trick.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
