I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
