We need to rekindle our bromance
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
