even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
