I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
