apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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