so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
