I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
