The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
