There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
there was a trapeze. enough said
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize
