I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
