I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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