Cold hands, warm shart.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
