could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
