ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
