i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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