Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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