I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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