i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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