you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
