we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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