Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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