I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
