a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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