I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
