you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
im on a boat
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