she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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