Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she told me i tasted like america
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
