I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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