No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
