you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
