I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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