I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
