he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
