hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
