oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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