he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
