It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
