I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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