Whod you bang
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
