There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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