i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
