Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
