There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
