I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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