Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
how does that bad decision feel?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
