the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she looked like the before picture.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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