if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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