I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
