he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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