So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
