I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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