Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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