waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i've created a new STD.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
