dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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