i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
