she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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