I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
