If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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