Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
