Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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