I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize