Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
