My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
this just has baby written all over it
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
