I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
