do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
